I’ve watched the organized online hatred of women grow. At first, I was unaware of the hate groups in the fever swamps of 4Chan–then I believed they were just a few crackpots. Then Gamergate happened, and I realized those groups had metastasized into an electronic mob.
It was about that time I started to experience it personally–increasingly virulent misogyny directed at me in comments or messages online. Blocking became a thing I had to do just to exist as a woman on the internet.
Then it got worse. “Men’s Right’s Groups” and “pickup artists” and “incels” — these violently anti-woman groups organized further and gained adherents. They were very tech-savvy and used the internet like any other terrorist group–to build their numbers and legitimacy while actively terrorizing women online with rape and death threats.
It was all dismissed as “not serious” or “just an online threat” or “just a bunch of basement-dwelling dudes who don’t mean any real harm” all while they were openly calling for things like legalizing rape and repealing the right for women to vote.
I remember very distinctly when game developer bros complained about how the online community had become toxic and was driving (mostly male) programmers away from the business. I thought (and said) “welcome to being a woman on the internet.” These gamer bros had a sense of shock… and this NEW idea that maybe people shouldn’t have to live in a toxic soup of terror threats just to exist and do their jobs… all because it was (now) happening to men, not just women.
(I was not impressed, in case my irony-fu is failing.)
No one should be surprised when violent talk turns into violent action. NO ONE. And yet we’re collectively amazed that the Toronto man who mowed down 10 people left a Facebook message praising misogynist terrorist Elliot Roger.
This won’t just continue… it will get WORSE. These things always escalate–that’s the nature of hate when it’s not pushed back on. When good people shrug their shoulders and do nothing. In the era of #MeToo, people who close their eyes to this are being willfully ignorant.
We have to collectively fight back.
The first, fundamental step is not legitimizing these “men’s rights” groups as if they have anything to contribute to the social conversation. Even more important, we have to actively fight against misogyny and sexism at every level in our everyday lives. Call it out. Don’t tolerate it from your friends–especially men in all-male spaces. Women are the target, but they are not the source of the problem. Men… if my kids can call out their friends for using slut-shaming terminology in game chat… if they can push back on the kids at the lunch table for saying women should stop “complaining” about rape if they’re “unwilling to report it,” then you certainly can do something as well. (Also–educate yourselves about this, don’t require women to instruct you and hold your hand. My kids did all that without my help, including searching online for rape statistics. I only found out about it afterward. Don’t tell me this is beyond your ability.)
Each level of misogyny and rape culture and sexism that we allow supports the other more virulent and violent forms. Just as casual racism supports outspoken racism supports violent racism. Racial violence happens because racial slurs are tolerated. Misogyny already destroys thousands of women’s lives (through domestic violence) and violates millions of women’s bodies (through rape)–now it’s terrorizing women with hate groups specifically targeting them.
Every one of us has a part in changing the culture we live in.
Make a commitment to do your part to stop this.
“Part of the problem is that American culture still largely sees men’s sexism as something innate rather than deviant. And in a world where sexism is deemed natural, the misogynist tendencies of mass shooters become afterthoughts rather than predictable and stark warnings.
The truth is that in addition to not protecting women, we are failing boys: failing to raise them to believe they can be men without inflicting pain on others, failing to teach them that they are not entitled to women’s sexual attention and failing to allow them an outlet for understandable human fear and foibles that will not label them “weak” or unworthy.”